I suffer from depression. There are times when I forget, even as I take my purple pill each morning. Then there are the times where what I have overtakes me and and seems to swallow me up. I become depressed.
Today I am just a person suffering from depression. A few days ago, I was depressed and had been depressed for quite some time. The symptoms of my illness seem to be much worse when I am about to have a "visitor" and while this "visitor" is present. Some people refer to this visitor as "Aunt Flo(w)", and I will leave it at that. Unfortunately, since having Jori, I am a hormonal wreck and am often "visited" several times a month, even though I am on the pill. (TMI?? Sorry, but it is what it is.)
When I am depressed I have a hard time getting out of bed. I consider cleaning the toilets a MAJOR victory and don't even attempt to clean up any other part of the house. I will often avoid the people closest to me, because it takes too much energy to be happy. I cry. A lot. I stay in my pjs for much of the day, sometimes for the whole day if I can get away with it. My family eats a lot of cereal, sandwiches, and frozen pizza for dinner. These are the "minor" things.
The major things are that I have a very hard time feeling connected to God and my relationship with my family, especially my kids, goes down the drain. I become irritable, angry, frustrated, anxious, mean, tired, and sad. Because I deal with being depressed several times a month I don't ever feel like I really get any of those relationships right. I try, and sometimes make a some headway, and then a couple days later I end up back in my bed, wishing I never had to get up.
So, why tell you all ("all" being the 5 of you that read this blog) that I often feel like a total mess? For one, I know that several of you often feel this very same way. That makes it not so hard to talk about. I also wanted to kind of lay the groundwork for other posts that I may write (or have already written, but never posted) about what my struggle looks like. I have a feeling Fee Fey Foe Fum is going to be the next big blog. Depressing stories about my life and couponing, a pretty awesome combination!!